I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
