Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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