i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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