bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
