Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
