I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
