And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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