In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
