some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
