my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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