so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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