dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
