I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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