Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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