Three words: puerto rican gang bang
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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