life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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