im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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