just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
