Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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