Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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