Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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