a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
