pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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