Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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