I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
