Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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