Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
