I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
