this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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