OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
