u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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