life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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