their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Randomize
