So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
