yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize