So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
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