I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
