I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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