I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
