so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
