im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
