He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
