He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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