Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
