We're like a lot better than the average bears
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
