The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
