Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
