I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
