If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
