He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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